the way it is

i'm not the one dealing the cards. i just take what i'm dealt and am grateful i'm even allowed to play.

that being said, Xander's report from his assessment with the school Psychologist came in yesterday. 10 or so pages of everything you would ever want to know about your kid. IQ, strengths, problem areas, etc. and right there in black an white- Diagnosis: Autism Disorder.

and you know what? i wasn't surprised by it. everything leading up to this has felt right. like it fit what Xander was going through.

when i picked up the report i talked with the school Psychologist for 30 or 40 minutes. we discussed his testing results and some idea's for prognosis. as far as IQ goes Xander tested everything as "Average" which means he is exactly where his peers should be. there were a couple sections he scored a 12 out of a possible 12, putting him well above average. but his overall score was encouraging. often times with autistic children testing results are a lower estimate of what their true IQ is. this can be because children with ASD have a hard time with standardized testing environments (as was the case with Xander). the school Psychologist felt as though his results were perhaps a lower estimate of Xander's true IQ.

the school Psychologist also talked about how sometimes a child with ASD can exhibit certain talents or abilities that go way beyond the abilities of a "typical" child's. he expressed his suspicion that perhaps Xander's excellent memory will be a unique talent to him, and he is curious to see how that will impact his school life.

overall i don't think we are really worried. Xander is very high functioning. remember, the spectrum for Autism is very wide. for those who are on the opposite side of the spectrum the life of the child and parent can be very difficult. we are very lucky and blessed to have Xander for our son. like any kid, Xander is a package deal.

i've been reading a great book about ASD called "Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew." so in the style of that book (and taken from that book), here are some things Xander wants you to know about him:

• I am first and foremost a child. I have autism, I am not primarily "autistic". My autism is only one aspect of my total character. Are you someone with thoughts, feelings, and many talents? Or are you individualized by one trait?
• My sensory perceptions are disordered, so sometimes I react to loud noises I don't like. I don't filter sensory input the same way you do. In fact, I don't filter it at all. While in the classroom you are able to focus on what teacher is saying because you have the ability to filter out the other noises. But I not only hear the teacher, but also the buzzing fluorescent lights, the pencil sharpener, the copy machine, the fly buzzing in the window, typing on the computer. Hearing all these things at once sometimes makes it difficult to focus on what you're asking me to do. And sometimes it means I just don't hear you at all.
• Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to). It's not that I don't listen to instructions, it is that sometimes I don't understand what you're asking me to do. Please approach me and speak directly to me in plain words telling me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next, that will make it much easier for me to comply.
• I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally. Don't tell me something "is a piece of cake." I will only get mad because you mentioned cake yet you haven't given me a piece to eat. Idioms, puns, nuances, inference, metaphors, and sarcasm are usually lost on me.
• Because language is more difficult for me I am very visually oriented. Be prepared to show me several times how to do something. Telling me with words isn't enough. I think in pictures, so showing me a picture of what you want me to do can be very helpful.
• Please don't lower the bar for me because I live with autism. My potential is limitless.
• Please help me with social interactions. Sometimes I don't know how to insert myself into other kids play.
• Try to look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts that autism has given me. It may be true that I'm not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don't lie, cheat, tattle on my little sister or pass judgement on other people? It's true that I probably won't be the next Michael Jordan, but with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh. They had autism, too.

gotta recharge every once in awhile

FACT: we have not been on a summer family vacation in 3 years

FACT: working at the campground consumes our lives in the summer, children get neglected, husbands are rarely seen

FACT: work related issues at the campground have been less than ideal for a couple weeks, stress levels were high, and the bounce was nearly out of our bungee

FACT: beyond our wildest dreams, we ditched the campground chaos, got a temp (Larry), and high-tailed it to Lake Blaine for VACATION!!!!!

4 glorious nights away. and thank you to Larry and Dan who ran the campground while we were away.

sometimes you just need to get away. as robbie and i were discussing the possibility of going we both felt that a few days away would recharge us, and the light at the end of the tunnel (labor day long weekend) wouldn't seem so impossibly far away. don't get me wrong, i love the campground. but the appeal of running it every summer (with 2 small children) is beginning to wear off.

so we've been away, and are now back. i couldn't be happier with our little vacation. it was phenomenal.

this is where we spent most of our time. the "relaxation station". thank you costco! (even though it sprung 2 leaks on the second day, we patched it up good as new) it was perfect because it has a mesh bottom in the middle so Judy could still play in it and not die. Xander loved it! i couldn't believe how brave he got while we were there with swimming. he can tread water in a life jacket and dog-paddle on his own no problem now. just seeing the huge smile on his face and him laughing at how fun this was made my day. you just can't put a price-tag on that. Judy wasn't as brave and didn't want to get in the lake. she barely tolerated the life-jacket she was forced to wear 99% of the time.

Xander liked the canoe quite a bit. the sea-doo was too loud for his liking. this was just his speed.

Xander kept saying "Happy Canada's day!" it was really funny. i don't know where he picked that up, we didn't do any major Canada day celebrations.

then when he got out of the canoe he held out his hands and said "can i have my trophy?"

then put his hands in the air and said "i won! i won!" apparently he was in a race.

Judy really liked the sea-doo. she is more adventurous than Xander. plus she doesn't have issues with loud noises. although we did get Xander on the sea-doo twice. we purchased some noise reduction ear-muffs for Xander which helps a lot with his sensory issues. but the second time he went on he smacked his head on the steering column when they went over a wave and that was the end of that. they had to idle all the way back from across the lake. it took them awhile.

we had a most excellent time away. i can't wait until we can spend even MORE time doing things like this. maybe next year? well, that is a long ways away. but i would be all over that!

on another note here is some of the things i love about my Jude. since i've been writing a lot about Xander lately, i've decided Judy could use some attention.

• she is determined. if she gets something in her mind she doesn't stop until she either succeeds or fails. and failure usually isn't an option.

• she has fallen off the table at least 3 times, her high chair 2 times, regular chairs (including sofa's) at least a dozen times, and has only fallen down the stairs once but that was because Xander pushed her (for which he was punished severely). all those tumbles and it still doesn't stop her. either she is brave or all those falls have made her stupid. the jury is still out.

• she wants to be with "the boys". when Rob and Xander are doing things together, she's got to be right in the mix. not being allowed in on the fun is literally heart-breaking for her.

• even though she spends half the day climbing and falling off of things she is still a little bit of a chicken. she doesn't love to be tossed around, unless by her father. heights make her nervous. go figure.

• Judy's only word (other than mama/dada) is "more". which sounds like "MUH".

• she eats anything i put in front of her, which in contrast to Xander is a huge relief.

• she loves her brother.

• she has a very sweet nature and will grow up to be a very easy going girl.

the road less travelled

been thinking a lot about ASD lately, and been doing some reading too. the more i read on it the more i think that Xander is who he is, ASD or not. that it isn't a disease therefore you can't cure it, only learn to live with it. that somewhere along the line maybe Xander decided to take a different path through life. not bad or wrong, just different. the poem by Robert Frost comes to mind:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference