the way it is

i'm not the one dealing the cards. i just take what i'm dealt and am grateful i'm even allowed to play.

that being said, Xander's report from his assessment with the school Psychologist came in yesterday. 10 or so pages of everything you would ever want to know about your kid. IQ, strengths, problem areas, etc. and right there in black an white- Diagnosis: Autism Disorder.

and you know what? i wasn't surprised by it. everything leading up to this has felt right. like it fit what Xander was going through.

when i picked up the report i talked with the school Psychologist for 30 or 40 minutes. we discussed his testing results and some idea's for prognosis. as far as IQ goes Xander tested everything as "Average" which means he is exactly where his peers should be. there were a couple sections he scored a 12 out of a possible 12, putting him well above average. but his overall score was encouraging. often times with autistic children testing results are a lower estimate of what their true IQ is. this can be because children with ASD have a hard time with standardized testing environments (as was the case with Xander). the school Psychologist felt as though his results were perhaps a lower estimate of Xander's true IQ.

the school Psychologist also talked about how sometimes a child with ASD can exhibit certain talents or abilities that go way beyond the abilities of a "typical" child's. he expressed his suspicion that perhaps Xander's excellent memory will be a unique talent to him, and he is curious to see how that will impact his school life.

overall i don't think we are really worried. Xander is very high functioning. remember, the spectrum for Autism is very wide. for those who are on the opposite side of the spectrum the life of the child and parent can be very difficult. we are very lucky and blessed to have Xander for our son. like any kid, Xander is a package deal.

i've been reading a great book about ASD called "Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew." so in the style of that book (and taken from that book), here are some things Xander wants you to know about him:

• I am first and foremost a child. I have autism, I am not primarily "autistic". My autism is only one aspect of my total character. Are you someone with thoughts, feelings, and many talents? Or are you individualized by one trait?
• My sensory perceptions are disordered, so sometimes I react to loud noises I don't like. I don't filter sensory input the same way you do. In fact, I don't filter it at all. While in the classroom you are able to focus on what teacher is saying because you have the ability to filter out the other noises. But I not only hear the teacher, but also the buzzing fluorescent lights, the pencil sharpener, the copy machine, the fly buzzing in the window, typing on the computer. Hearing all these things at once sometimes makes it difficult to focus on what you're asking me to do. And sometimes it means I just don't hear you at all.
• Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to). It's not that I don't listen to instructions, it is that sometimes I don't understand what you're asking me to do. Please approach me and speak directly to me in plain words telling me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next, that will make it much easier for me to comply.
• I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally. Don't tell me something "is a piece of cake." I will only get mad because you mentioned cake yet you haven't given me a piece to eat. Idioms, puns, nuances, inference, metaphors, and sarcasm are usually lost on me.
• Because language is more difficult for me I am very visually oriented. Be prepared to show me several times how to do something. Telling me with words isn't enough. I think in pictures, so showing me a picture of what you want me to do can be very helpful.
• Please don't lower the bar for me because I live with autism. My potential is limitless.
• Please help me with social interactions. Sometimes I don't know how to insert myself into other kids play.
• Try to look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts that autism has given me. It may be true that I'm not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don't lie, cheat, tattle on my little sister or pass judgement on other people? It's true that I probably won't be the next Michael Jordan, but with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh. They had autism, too.