Happy One Year!

Xander has been going to pre-school for a year!  hooray!

at one of our first meetings at the school, they asked me what i wanted my goals to be.  i told them, something to the effect of, "i want to be able to ask Xander how his day was, and have him be able to respond."

prior to his pre-school days most questions were responded to with a yell/scream, or a lengthy string of garbled-up-gook that was very hard to understand (if not impossible).  and if he did have anything coherent to say, it was usually "scripted" phrases.

now, a year later, he still may yell/scream at times but we are understanding 90% of what he says and he will generally respond to questions when asked.  (i can even ask him "what did you do today" and get an excellent response!)

two days ago, i asked him to tell me a story.  and this is what we got:

maybe you won't think this is as big a deal as i do, but to me this is a huge success.  

independent thought.  creative thinking.  100% unscripted.  

thanks to all of Xander's "ladies" who work so hard for him!  you know who you are!

am i boring you?

you must think my life is pretty boring around here, since i haven't posted in over a month.

well, life goes on even if i don't post every tid-bit to the interwebs.  

Christmas came and went.  and so did the New Year.  there was no stopping them.  shocker.

we all got sick a few days before Christmas, which is always a treat.  fortunately for Xander, Judy, and Rob they were all on the mend by boxing day.  UNfortunately for me i was sick for 2 weeks.  i had such a bad head cold that one night i took too much cold medicine and thought i was going to die.  that stuff was crazy.  then i couldn't smell/taste/or hear anything because my body did a pretty nifty job of plugging up everything from my shoulders up.  good times.

but really, we had an excellent holiday.  it was so nice to see new babies and play games and eat good food (well, i'm only assuming on that one since i couldn't taste anything).  Xander is getting really good with crowds and parties, so the holiday's were especially enjoyable.  

The Van Orman grandkids (minus Scarlett, who was sleeping)

Amy and Xander.  good play-mates

Scarlett.  get a load of those cheeks!

ooh Duncan

so far we've been having a pretty good 2012.  

Xander has had a fairly rough start to the new year (he's been sick a lot) but he handle's it pretty well.  school has been going really well for him.  all our "goals" we set for him at the beginning of the school year with his teachers have become obsolete because he's more or less accomplished all of them.  go Xander!  now we'll meet in a couple weeks again to set new ones.  

Judy is just growing up like crazy.  some of her favorite things are in her "princess" box, loaded with bead necklaces, a purse, and a princess crown (from Grandma B).  she loves sunglasses, and shoes and hats (which she call's "yee-haw"s).  she is talking more and more, and thinks she calls the shots.  she is still pretty much fearless when it comes to climbing.  she also knows where all the candy is, and often pushes a chair over to the counter so she can climb up and get in the secret cupboard.  it is also where we keep the medicine, so we may need to re-think where we are stashing our goods.  

a big girl already

through Xander's eyes

taken by Xander over the last few months.

naturally, i think we may have the next Ansel Adams on our hands.

WIN!!

and by win, i mean HUGE WIN!

Xander got a haircut last week with NO tears!  this may not seem like a big deal for some kids, but for Xander this is a big deal.

usually we have to negotiate for about 3 weeks leading up to the hair cutting event.  there is no amount of bribery or coercion that can persuade him.

so i set it up so he would have to get a haircut before Christmas.  that was the deadline.

ME: we're going to have a haircut BEFORE Christmas, okay?

XANDER: um, but i won't have time before Christmas.

sometimes he is too smart for his own good.  so in the meantime i made him watch Rob get a haircut.

then 2 days later i mentioned the haircut again and BAM, he was ready to go.  like, RIGHT NOW ready. like, take off my shirt, get the stool and the clippers, we gotta do this now, kind of ready.  there was also the condition that he got a chocolate egg (kinder surprise), chocolate beans (reese's pieces), AND ice cream.  i was willing to do anything.

it was flawless.  no tears, no screaming.  i was stunned.

WIN!!

sometimes you just have to stop reading

as per usual, i've been reading more and more about autism and different strategies used to help with... well anything!  the latest has been Temple Grandin's "The Way I See It".  all in all i think it is an excellent resource.  but i only got about halfway through and decided to put it down.

i found myself becoming really hard on myself and starting to doubt everything i was doing.  not only that, i was becoming really worried about Xander and his future.  it was starting to feel like everything was just coming down and a future where Xander could enjoy friends or a career, etc., was looking bleak.    even though i know now that that is a totally crazy way to think.

so i decided to stop reading.

i know he will have a hard time socially.  it tugs at my heart when i see him trying to talk to other kids and not see anything in his face or eyes beyond a script he reciting.  but he tries so hard and wants to do it, and that will be all the difference for him.  it is hard to watch him not understand simple social nuances that most other pre-schoolers understand.

but at the very core of Xander is a sweet, gentle and loving little boy who is truly trying his hardest to cope with his autism.

it is nice to receive a vote of confidence, but i am not a perfect mom.  i am harder on Xander than maybe i need to be and have high expectations, so there are days that can be really terrible.  there are some things that i don't tolerate at home.... PERIOD.  so some days it is a battle of the wills from the moment we get out of bed.  Xander may be totally inflexible at times, but so am i.  we use the phrase "bendy brain" to let Xander know he needs to be more flexible.  so now Xander is starting to tell me to have a "bendy brain" when i'm not allowing him to do something.  touché.

now it is Xander's turn to type something.  we are going to "take turns like team work" at Xander's request.

sqweeytxandersvccxczszswswesssssszmomvcfderfdaddynbvcxzlkjjhggffddssaapoiuytrewq

good teamwork.  that was all Xander.

teaching in a way Xander understands

its been really hard to try and get Xander interested in drawing/coloring/writing.  he doesn't know how to hold the pencil right and has a really hard time with the fine motor skills involved.  Rob and i decided LONG ago that our children would learn how to write well and will never be allowed to hand in sloppy work.  funny how those kind of statement seem to blow up in your face.

Xander will have a harder time than other kids in this department.  even Judy can pick up a pencil and hold it right.  for crying out loud!!  so we know that we will have to work on this a lot with Xander.  he will hate it, but it is a point we aren't willing to move (much) on.

the problem has been that:

1.  he doesn't know how to hold a pencil right.  it doesn't seem to make sense to him

2.  he is such a perfectionist that it literally will panic him if what he does isn't perfectly lined up or in the lines, etc.  to have the across line on his "H" go beyond the uprights is enough to send him over the edge.

i found that the main issue was that he didn't know how to pick up the pencil so it would rest in his hand the right way.  he would actually pick up the pencil a different way almost every time.  nothing was making any sense to him.

so one morning we were working on it and i was trying to get him to pick up the pencil with his thumb and first finger and "put it to sleep" in his hand.  but telling him to "pick it up with your thumb and first finger" or even showing him hand-on-hand wasn't working.

and then it came to me!  "T fingers"!!  at pre-school they do visual phonics, which is doing a hand gesture that corresponds with a letter and the sound it makes.  Xander eats that stuff up and is really good at remembering them.  then while sitting there i realized that with the letter "T" the hand gesture is flicking with your first finger off your thumb (basically like flicking a booger...hahaha).

so i asked Xander to show me the letter "T" which he did immediately.  then i told him that those where his "T fingers".  then i asked him to pick up the pencil with his "T fingers", and he did it!  it finally was able to make sense to him!  sometimes you just have to work at finding out what makes sense to him, and that was something that was totally clear and easy for him to grasp.  talk about HUGE WIN!!

i took a video of it to show his teachers at school so they could use the same strategy.  here is the video:

random things

man, i love this girl!  makes me smile!

holding a pencil the right way!  hallelujah!

pony tail.... BOO YAH!

i NEEEEEEEEEEEED it!  only $6K.... wanna loan me?

sister's day in calgary with Lily and Lynnae... cactus club is so good!

as dictated to me by Xander...
notice he is #1 on the list, and notice how smart he is to include BOTH sets of grandparents

i love finding this sort of stuff randomly on my phone!

Catching up

well, since it is nearly december i thought i'd better post about thanksgiving.  yea, lazy blogger.

thanksgiving was really great this year.  actually, i will re-phrase: XANDER was great this year.

family functions have always been difficult with Xander.  all the noise and commotion creates such anxiety and panic for Xander, quite possibly it was even painful for him with his sensory issues (many people with autism describe loud noises affecting them like a dentist drilling into their teeth).  if only we had known this when he was 6 months old!!

but this thanksgiving was different.  i couldn't believe it!!  rob and i, upon driving out the driveway, both expressed our pleasure in actually being able to enjoy a holiday for once.  it was like "huh, so that is what it is like to enjoy a dinner."

we literally didn't even see Xander the whole time we were at my parents house.  he ran with the kids and any "meltdowns" he had he was able to work out on his own.  the noise wasn't as distressing to him.  it was wonderful!

we were even playing a game with dice on the kitchen table (which was quite loud and obnoxious at times) but Xander was right into it.  Xander would yell with everyone and say "oh rats!" when there was a bad roll.  it was so great to see him enjoying himself in that way.

later that month we went to Rob's school on a saturday and played in the gym for nearly 3 hours.  it was so much fun!  remember waffle balls?  pickle ball anyone?  Rob and I got pretty good.

Building towers, always a favourite

ooooooh yea!

i foresee future snow days spent here

we also spent some time at the park in lethbridge

always a big hit

re-visited

couldn't sleep tonight and re-visited some old videos.  this one made me smile.  i made this 17 months ago, when we were getting ready to move from high river.  

You are stronger than you think

Rob: "i just hope the baby is healthy.  you know, mentally and physically.  because i just don't think i would be able to handle that."

Annie: "sshhhh!  don't even say that!"

___________________________________

no doubt, these are thoughts shared by many expectant, first time parents.  

this post has been mostly inspired by a friend, who's 2 1/2 year old daughter has just recently been diagnosed with Leukaemia.  i cannot imagine what that would be like.  grief, frustration, self-doubt, hope, and a roller coaster of other emotions.  and through all that, endless support from friends and family.  

"i don't know how they do it", "you are so strong", "i could never go through something like that".  those may be some of the comments of people looking in onto a seemingly impossible situation.  don't short change yourself by saying things like that.  you are stronger than you think.  

Autism is not Leukaemia.  but i can understand, or at least appreciate, the idea of getting hit with something that will profoundly effect your child forever.  

every day you get up and do what needs to be done.  you do it because you love your child.  you do it because your capacity to fight is in the very fibre of your being.  and you do it unfailingly until the days battle is done.  you will amaze yourself at what you can do!

some days are less graceful than others.  there may be anger and frustration, but even greater is the joy and gratitude from victories won.  

this is a poem from my friend's blog, documenting her daughters path being travelled with Leukaemia.  i believe it is fitting for any and all of life's unexpected turns.  (http://scarlettjarman.blogspot.com)

The Monument

God, before he sent his children to earth
Gave each of them
a very carefully selected package
of problems.

These, he promised smiling,
are yours alone. No one
else may have the blessings
these problems will bring you.

And only you
have the special talents and abilities
that will be needed
to make these problems
Your servants.

Now go down to your birth
and to your forgetfulness. Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
are a symbol of that love.

The monument you make of your life
with the help of your problems
will be a symbol of your
Love for me.

Your Father.

___________________________________

Annie: "hey, do you remember having that conversation before Xander was born, about not wanting him to be unhealthy mentally or physically?  what do you think, now that he's got this Autism thing?"

Rob: "well, it's not really that bad.  is it?"

see?  you are stronger than you think.