sometimes you just have to stop reading

as per usual, i've been reading more and more about autism and different strategies used to help with... well anything!  the latest has been Temple Grandin's "The Way I See It".  all in all i think it is an excellent resource.  but i only got about halfway through and decided to put it down.

i found myself becoming really hard on myself and starting to doubt everything i was doing.  not only that, i was becoming really worried about Xander and his future.  it was starting to feel like everything was just coming down and a future where Xander could enjoy friends or a career, etc., was looking bleak.    even though i know now that that is a totally crazy way to think.

so i decided to stop reading.

i know he will have a hard time socially.  it tugs at my heart when i see him trying to talk to other kids and not see anything in his face or eyes beyond a script he reciting.  but he tries so hard and wants to do it, and that will be all the difference for him.  it is hard to watch him not understand simple social nuances that most other pre-schoolers understand.

but at the very core of Xander is a sweet, gentle and loving little boy who is truly trying his hardest to cope with his autism.

it is nice to receive a vote of confidence, but i am not a perfect mom.  i am harder on Xander than maybe i need to be and have high expectations, so there are days that can be really terrible.  there are some things that i don't tolerate at home.... PERIOD.  so some days it is a battle of the wills from the moment we get out of bed.  Xander may be totally inflexible at times, but so am i.  we use the phrase "bendy brain" to let Xander know he needs to be more flexible.  so now Xander is starting to tell me to have a "bendy brain" when i'm not allowing him to do something.  touché.

now it is Xander's turn to type something.  we are going to "take turns like team work" at Xander's request.

sqweeytxandersvccxczszswswesssssszmomvcfderfdaddynbvcxzlkjjhggffddssaapoiuytrewq

good teamwork.  that was all Xander.

teaching in a way Xander understands

its been really hard to try and get Xander interested in drawing/coloring/writing.  he doesn't know how to hold the pencil right and has a really hard time with the fine motor skills involved.  Rob and i decided LONG ago that our children would learn how to write well and will never be allowed to hand in sloppy work.  funny how those kind of statement seem to blow up in your face.

Xander will have a harder time than other kids in this department.  even Judy can pick up a pencil and hold it right.  for crying out loud!!  so we know that we will have to work on this a lot with Xander.  he will hate it, but it is a point we aren't willing to move (much) on.

the problem has been that:

1.  he doesn't know how to hold a pencil right.  it doesn't seem to make sense to him

2.  he is such a perfectionist that it literally will panic him if what he does isn't perfectly lined up or in the lines, etc.  to have the across line on his "H" go beyond the uprights is enough to send him over the edge.

i found that the main issue was that he didn't know how to pick up the pencil so it would rest in his hand the right way.  he would actually pick up the pencil a different way almost every time.  nothing was making any sense to him.

so one morning we were working on it and i was trying to get him to pick up the pencil with his thumb and first finger and "put it to sleep" in his hand.  but telling him to "pick it up with your thumb and first finger" or even showing him hand-on-hand wasn't working.

and then it came to me!  "T fingers"!!  at pre-school they do visual phonics, which is doing a hand gesture that corresponds with a letter and the sound it makes.  Xander eats that stuff up and is really good at remembering them.  then while sitting there i realized that with the letter "T" the hand gesture is flicking with your first finger off your thumb (basically like flicking a booger...hahaha).

so i asked Xander to show me the letter "T" which he did immediately.  then i told him that those where his "T fingers".  then i asked him to pick up the pencil with his "T fingers", and he did it!  it finally was able to make sense to him!  sometimes you just have to work at finding out what makes sense to him, and that was something that was totally clear and easy for him to grasp.  talk about HUGE WIN!!

i took a video of it to show his teachers at school so they could use the same strategy.  here is the video:

random things

man, i love this girl!  makes me smile!

holding a pencil the right way!  hallelujah!

pony tail.... BOO YAH!

i NEEEEEEEEEEEED it!  only $6K.... wanna loan me?

sister's day in calgary with Lily and Lynnae... cactus club is so good!

as dictated to me by Xander...
notice he is #1 on the list, and notice how smart he is to include BOTH sets of grandparents

i love finding this sort of stuff randomly on my phone!

Catching up

well, since it is nearly december i thought i'd better post about thanksgiving.  yea, lazy blogger.

thanksgiving was really great this year.  actually, i will re-phrase: XANDER was great this year.

family functions have always been difficult with Xander.  all the noise and commotion creates such anxiety and panic for Xander, quite possibly it was even painful for him with his sensory issues (many people with autism describe loud noises affecting them like a dentist drilling into their teeth).  if only we had known this when he was 6 months old!!

but this thanksgiving was different.  i couldn't believe it!!  rob and i, upon driving out the driveway, both expressed our pleasure in actually being able to enjoy a holiday for once.  it was like "huh, so that is what it is like to enjoy a dinner."

we literally didn't even see Xander the whole time we were at my parents house.  he ran with the kids and any "meltdowns" he had he was able to work out on his own.  the noise wasn't as distressing to him.  it was wonderful!

we were even playing a game with dice on the kitchen table (which was quite loud and obnoxious at times) but Xander was right into it.  Xander would yell with everyone and say "oh rats!" when there was a bad roll.  it was so great to see him enjoying himself in that way.

later that month we went to Rob's school on a saturday and played in the gym for nearly 3 hours.  it was so much fun!  remember waffle balls?  pickle ball anyone?  Rob and I got pretty good.

Building towers, always a favourite

ooooooh yea!

i foresee future snow days spent here

we also spent some time at the park in lethbridge

always a big hit