giving up? or growing up?

i used to think that if i could just get Xander to bend to my will as "the parent" he would eventually figure out that i'm the boss and he has to do what i say.  that he would stop whining, quit being defiant and just start being more flexible.  

indeed, we are most likely all products of this type of parenting style.  it's not a bad thing.  this was my philosophy: my kids should to adapt to my life, not the other way around.  

but what happens if your kid lacks basic skills in adaptability and flexibility?

knowing what i know now, i have no doubt in my mind that Xander would be doing well if he could.  

this is important.  kids do well, if they can.  

if Xander had the skills and tools, don't you think any he would use them so he could stop being so miserable?  and Xander is lacking many skills allowing him to do well.  and that is the first step.  recognizing and appreciating the fact that your kid is lacking and has not developed certain skills.  

if you can't appreciate and accept that fact, then things can never progress.  you will be stuck.  and misery will persist on all sides.  

so, am i giving up?  or am i just growing up?

is it giving up to let your kid do things "his way" most of the time?

have i given up by becoming more flexible and bending to his will instead of mine?

is it giving up to be constantly problem solving with your kid when all you want to say is "you're fine, you'll get over it!"

Xander will always require a different parenting style and concessions will have to be made.  so why don't YOU get over it?

he is a black and white kid living in a grey world.  can you fathom the idea of seeing only black and white, but having grey shoved in your face at every moment of every day?

you can't expect a kid to stop drowning without teaching them first how to swim.  telling a kid to "stop drowning, or else!" won't keep their head above water for long.  

Xander has spent most of his life just trying to survive and keep his head above water.  and we've all been the idiots at the side of the pool yelling "quit drowning, or else!"

interesting perspective.

so, am i giving up?  yes.  but only my pride.  

which leads me to believe that maybe i am growing up after all.